On Grief

Originally published 16 Oct 2021; sadly, still relevant.

“I think it’s important to acknowledge, right now, the grief that many of us are feeling. We have experienced, collectively, a profound and almost unfathomable loss of life. But more than that, especially for those in my own age group and younger, we are grieving the life that was sold to us. Work hard, and you will be successful. You, too, can have those milestones of the American Dream: a stable job, a loving partner, a family if you want it, a modest home. Food. Health. Security. Work hard, and these things will be yours. Well, we have worked very hard. But for many of us, these things remain permanently out of reach.

We are grieving an economic and social system that has failed us. We are grieving leadership that has broken its sworn oath to protect us. We are grieving a suffering planet, and the loss of natural spaces and resources that cannot be recovered. We are grieving the shattered illusion of our own safety and the crumbling of cherished institutions. We are grieving for the future we may never have – both as individuals and the whole of humanity.

I will not tell you to look on the bright side. I will not tell you to ‘think positive.’ I will not promise you everything will be okay.

No one can guarantee that.

What I will tell you is that it is okay to not be okay. It is normal to feel sad. It is normal to be grieving right now. There is much to grieve. These feelings of heaviness, and of sadness, may come and go in waves. They may feel random. They may hit you when you least expect it. Sit with your feelings as long as you need to and allow yourself to experience them fully. The more you are able to do this, the more comfortable you will become. And then, when you can, allow your grief to move through you. Accept the changes in our world, because change is inevitable. And then ask yourself – if you can, what you – and we – can do together to build a better future. It may look different from what we expected, or what we have been shown on television our whole lives, but I believe we can have a future, none-the-less. I believe it is not too late to step back from the brink of hate and self-destruction, and save ourselves.

I hope, amongst this grief, you can find the strength to live and fight another day. We are all needed. We all have intrinsic value. No matter who you are, or how small or lost you may feel at any given moment. The only way we thrive is together.”

Jen “JC” Bateman