As you may recall, Dan and I eloped last November. We are hosting a belated wedding reception for our family and friends — happening soon! Our party will be a casual, picnic-style event held outdoors. What better way to celebrate our union than with crafts representative of the aesthetic and lifestyle we share?

Dan and I are both still struggling to get out from under a significant amount of debt. I have been selling off my personal belongings of any significant value, but it has not been enough to keep up with our expenses. If you can, please consider helping us purchase our flowers and food. Click here to view our GoFundMe.

It has been a long, difficult road for both of us — and we both survived.

Celebrate With Us

“When you arise in the morning, think of what a precious privilege it is to be alive — to breathe, to think, to enjoy, to love.” – Marcus Aurelius

Our first collaborative artwork — a design for our postcard party invitations.

Materials: 6.5″ x 4.5″ on 140lb hot press watercolour paper; India ink, Bombay coloured inks; watercolour; Hunt 100 Artist Nib; small round brushes.

Lines, inking, and digital edits by me. Watercolour by Dan.

Busy busy busy!

Below are the hand-crafted decorations and favours I have been working on for our wedding party since March! You can find tutorials for making these items with a simple Google search, so I am only including tips that I did not come across.

My goal was to use as much secondhand, thrifted, and upcycled materials as possible — both to save money and be more environmentally-friendly.

A riot of fresh flowers as the finishing touch is my one and only splurge.

Click on the photos to see more on my Instagram account!

Craft Project: Decoupage Soup and Vegetable Cans

Time: About .5 hour per can, including design, application, and top coats.

Materials: Washed and dried empty cans, old books and scrapbook paper, washi stickers, used stamps, matte Mod Podge, matte acrylic varnish.

Tip: After applying all your decorations, let the Mod Podge thoroughly dry. Rub the can in your hands, letting the warmth from your fingers help shape the paper to the can ridges, and then apply a second coat of Mod Podge. Allow to cure 2-4 weeks, then varnish. Matte acrylic varnish gives a lovely, flat paper look.

Craft Project: Fabric Rag Garlands (5 – 5.5ft)

Time: About 7 – 8 hours per garland, including cutting the fabric strips. Some fabric is faster to cut than others, such as cotton versus a slippery satin, so there are many variables involved. My garlands have roughly 225-250 strips each.

Materials: Thrifted bed sheets, curtain panels, and tablecloths; secondhand fabric; printed quilting fabric; lace ribbon, reclaimed and salvaged buttons and beads, assorted beads, beading cord, braided jute rope.

Tip: Don’t skimp on the quality of rope! These garlands are heavy.

Craft Project: Decoupage Institutional Food Cans

Time: About 1 hour per can, including design, application, and top coats.

Materials: Washed and dried empty cans, old books and scrapbook paper, washi stickers, used stamps, matte Mod Podge, matte acrylic varnish.

Tip: Measure the height and approximate circumference of your can, and arrange your decorations on a tabletop before you start gluing. Once you start layering papers, it is nearly impossible to insert or rearrange items while you work.

Craft Project: Bead and Tassel Garlands (4.5ft)

Time: About 1.5 – 2 hours per garland, including cutting the fabric strips and making the tassels. I made these almost entirely on breaks at my day job!

Materials: Thrifted yarn, vintage Quaker Net curtain cut into .5″ strips, reclaimed and salvaged wood beads, assorted beads, craft bells, jute cord and rope.

Tip: I cut drinking straws into three sections. I made each tassel with a straw piece going through the middle, instead of a string to hang. This allowed me to thread the jute cord through the straw piece easily and quickly, and then remove it afterward. I wanted the tassels inline with the beads, instead of dangling.

Craft Project: Decoupage Wreaths

Time: About 2 – 3 hours per wreath including tearing the paper strips, decoupage, top coats, and adding the flowers and embellishments.

Materials: Foam wreath forms, old books and scrapbook paper, matte Mod Podge, matte acrylic varnish, donated and scavenged faux flowers, feather butterflies, craft bells, jute cord and rope. Round wood ornament made by Snapfish.

Tips: I made a mixture of 1 part water, 2 parts Mod Podge, and submerged the paper strips in it similar to the method for papier-mâché. This made applying the paper to the curved surface of the wreath much easier. I then applied two separate, additional coats of Mod Podge before the final varnish.

Use a scratch awl to puncture the decoupage layer before inserting flower stems. The flowers and greens are attached with hot glue and greening pins. High-temp hot glue melds together the plastic of the flowers and foam very strongly.

In my opinion, Gorilla brand hot glue sticks are worth the extra cost!

Painted Coveralls

Time: About 3 – 4 hours for letting layers of paint dry between applications.

Materials: Berne Fisher Stripe coveralls, acrylic paint, spray paint. Props to Berne for being the only company offering enough “off the shelf” sizes for tall Dan and smol Jen to have matching suits. They are comfortable and well-made.

Tips: Don’t forget some good an’ stompy boots!

We are looking forward to sharing photos of our event with you, and our many projects to come! Again, if you can, please consider helping us purchase our flowers and food. Click here to view our GoFundMe. Thank you!

Dan and I have faced a complex set of challenges with regards to goals and communication within our relationship. Dan continues to adapt and recover after sustaining a traumatic brain injury. I am autistic. While I sometimes joke that we have one whole brain between us, it is true that we mutually benefit from each others’ unique perspective, problem-solving skills, and strengths.

For different reasons, we both experience difficulties with executive function, working memory, and communication. Some of the strategies I have created to help myself navigate daily life have also proved helpful for Dan. The habits, lists, and routines that conserve my mental energy also facilitate a predictable and secure environment. Dan, due to his condition, requires that I be flexible.

As a balanced and complementary pair, we both grow and thrive.

Dan and I each work independently with our own psychotherapists, and we participate in each other’s therapy as well. After receiving positive feedback from both therapists, I would like to share with you the creative solutions I developed for Dan and myself to use. One is to aid with achieving long-term goals. The others are to improve cognitive empathy and communication skills.

The Goal Puzzle

The first idea came in response to the process of Dan gradually regaining his independence and rebuilding his life. Starting over from almost nothing would be overwhelming for anyone. It is unimaginably complicated and emotionally taxing after a debilitating injury. While medical science made Dan’s physical recovery possible, returning to “normal” life is a gradual, often frustrating process.

While Dan was hospitalized, his family and friends — unsure if he would live — moved him out of his apartment. His belongings were then distributed amongst those same family and friends for storage. Dan woke from a medically-induced coma to discover that his previous home was gone. Any sense of constancy or stability was gone. His ability to care and provide for himself was gone.

Dan had to cope with nearly losing his life in more ways than one.

My heart ached for Dan after watching him psychologically struggle with the enormity of what lay ahead. One night, after we had retrieved his beloved record collection, I downloaded a blank puzzle template. I labelled the “pieces” of Dan’s life to be reassembled. I left a few blank pieces for him to fill in. One of those blanks eventually became “Married.” There are short- and long-term goals.

The puzzle concept helps to break down and visualize the seemingly immense goal of “rebuild Dan’s life” into incremental, more managable steps. After having Dan colour in the “accomplished” pieces, I hung the puzzle on the refrigerator as a daily reminder of the progress he has made. Pieces continue to be coloured in, partially or completely, as Dan and I achieve our individual and joint goals.

This can be a powerful tool to improve motivation and resilience.

Think about it: What would you put on your puzzle?

Autism and Cognitive Empathy

The second idea is more specific to our circumstances, but it can be easily adapted to accommodate other situations. In order to help Dan and I understand our communication styles and needs, I purchased a pair of books related to both of our conditions. The books that I selected were written specifically to cultivate understanding in people who do not live with the conditions themselves.

For myself, I chose — and I highly recommend — Connecting With the Autism Spectrum by Casey “Remrov” Vernor. First, I read the book myself. Using a pencil and highlighter, I made notations where I felt the text was most applicable to me, and elaborated where I felt it was needed or warranted. After completing that process, I gave the book to Dan. By reading it, he gained valuable insight.

Learning about autistic communication and sensory sensitivities helps Dan, for example, to not take it personally when I become confused or overstimulated by something in our environment. As a result, such occurrences can be prevented or remedied easily, without escalating into anxiety, conflict, or hurt feelings.

We are learning how to listen to, and speak with, each other in ways that minimize miscommunication and misunderstandings. Dan understands that my communication tends to be blunt. The words I choose do not always accurately reflect what I am attempting to say. Statements made to me should be clear, consistent, and direct. My innate mind-reading skills are incredibly poor.

I now utilize self-advocacy and self-directed questioning to circumvent my limitations in social interactions with neurotypical people. I will elaborate on my compensatory strategies in future posts. The projection of neurotypical thought processes onto neurodivergent individuals is one of many ways these mixed-interactions go wrong. Education and cognitive empathy are essential.

When we use different languages, translation is necessary.

Traumatic Brain Injury

For Dan, I chose The Traumatized Brain: A Family Guide to Understanding Mood, Memory, and Behavior after Brain Injury by Vani Rao and Sandeep Vaishnavi. I asked him to read and notate the book for me, like I had done with mine.

Learning about traumatic brain injury, and how it affects Dan, helps me remain patient and supportive while he continues to heal. Forgetfulness is not indicative of lack of caring or interest, but a result of injury and trauma. Fatigue is not a character flaw, but a result of living with disability. We all benefit most from support that makes us feel empowered, not dependent and indebted.

Dan and I hold each other accountable with compassion and tenderness.

Two additional books I found valuable, especially if you had limited or no experiences of healthy relationships while growing up: Mindful Relationship Habits: 25 Practices for Couples to Enhance Intimacy, Nurture Closeness, and Grow a Deeper Connection by Barrie Davenport and S. J. Scott, and The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work by John M. Gottman and Nan Silver.

Even if you are chronically single, these books can teach you to recognize the healthy and toxic traits in nearly any kind of relationship. That knowledge makes you a less likely target for abusive, dysfunctional, and exploitative relationships. If you are objectively self-aware enough, these books also provide a solid guideline for evaluating and nurturing your own behaviours.

I am a big fan of The Gottman Institute, generally.

Additional Communication Ideas

As part of ongoing efforts, I purchased a lined journal for Dan and myself to share. In the morning and evening, we each write a few lines in the journal. The short entries consist of whatever is on our mind at the time: what we are grateful for, what we are doing or plan to do, progress made toward our goals, things we might be struggling to communicate verbally, and so on. There are no rules.

Write when — and what — comes naturally. It should not be stressful.

Using multiple ink colours makes the daily entries easier to follow.

Because we both contribute, reading and writing in the journal gives us a window into each other’s inner world on a day-to-day basis. Reviewing our older entries serves as a source of encouragement, mindfulness, and reassurance.

Over time, the journal serves as a reminder of what brought us together.

For this idea to be effective, however, it requires honest self-reflection and the willingness to be vulnerable. If these are areas that you struggle with, try writing privately for yourself. When you are ready to step outside of your comfort zone, share your daily journaling with your psychotherapist or a trusted friend.

Shared goals, successful teamwork, and meaningful relationships are among the richest experiences life has to offer. For those with disabilities and/or impairments they are, in my opinion, goals worth doing the hard work. Our world desperately needs authenticity, human connection, and the healing that comes with it.

Better communication and collaborative goals are an excellent place to begin.

I hope that what I have shared today helps you in your journey.

My name is Jen Bateman, and “Jin Wicked” is no more.

The process of liquidating inventory and paying off debt to terminate my company, Jin Wicked LLC, is almost complete. I am no longer using my “Jin Wicked” brand. I am no longer reprinting any intellectual property attributed to the name, except for the purpose of retrospective analysis and discussion.

The back-catalogue of “Jin Wicked” artwork, comics, and videos is permanently offline. Store inventory can be purchased until 14 May 2022. After that date, any unsold “Jin Wicked” items will be immediately donated or destroyed.

With this decision, I am living my life for myself.

Who was Jin Wicked?

“Jin Wicked” was created on a whim as a chat-room screen name, in the late 1990s era dot-com boom, after being told I had a wicked sense of humour. Over the years it became my identity — a DBA, a brand, and eventually, an LLC. Many people influenced the character and evolution of “Jin Wicked,” for good and for ill. Over time, my public persona became a stifling psychological burden. In 2017, I created a time-lapse music video comparing it to Frankenstein’s monster.

The first time I buckled under the weight of my own creation and my modest success, in the mid-2000s, I began a downward spiral of anxiety and depression that consumed a decade of my life. That spell finally broke with my “early mid-life crisis” in 2014. After working for five years to rebuild my independent career, and surpassing my previous high-water marks, I again found myself nearly suicidal by the end of 2020. But this time, instead of collapsing inward and disappearing, I confronted the traumas at my core. I figured out it was only “Jin Wicked” that needed to die. “Jin Wicked” is the cage I have been fighting to escape.

So, what happened? And why now, you are probably asking?

Financial Difficulties

At the beginning of 2019, due to external circumstances, I left the full-time, stable job I had been working at since I moved to Minnesota. Predictability and stability are extremely important, as an autistic person, to my ability to function and live independently. I worked as a home health aide for most of 2019, which left me in a state of debilitating burnout by 2020. I survived 2020 and 2021 by living off my dwindling emergency fund — and when that ran out, credit.

The recovery period before I could work full-time again, the struggle of finding another job compatible with my special needs, and other external circumstances, have left me on the verge of bankruptcy. I am doing everything I can think of to keep Dan and I fed and housed until we, hopefully, get his SSDI approved.

Liquidating the “Jin Wicked” inventory is reducing my business debt.

The Comic Book Community

Another problem for me has been the “comic book community.” While I have some dear friends within the industry, I was completely blindsided by the cliques, competitiveness, backstabbing, and out-of-control ego I have encountered. There is an undercurrent of bitterness, envy, and entitlement like nothing I have ever experienced. Comics! It’s just comic books! Some perspective is in order.

While things are changing, the comic book community and industry are still permeated by casual racism, misogyny, homophobia, transphobia, and hateful, exclusionary attitudes. I do not feel heard, seen, welcome, or safe.

I will continue to make comics — independently, on my terms.

Whatever it was that I needed to prove to myself by returning to comic conventions in 2015, I feel I accomplished it. While they can be fun, comic conventions are an incredible amount of preparation and work. They are often unprofitable. They involve travel, booth set-up and breakdown, hauling around boxes and totes, long days of over-stimulation, marathon sales pitches, poor food, and poorer sleep. I have been grabbed, groped, and propositioned.

All of this becomes harder to deal with and less appealing with age.

I have not missed tabling at shows since COVID-19 shut everything down.

I must credit the hostility and vindictiveness directed at me personally for draining the last bit of enthusiasm I had for “Jin Wicked.” If not for that, I might have remained fiscally solvent and stumbled along as “Jin Wicked” for a few more lacklustre years. Searching for new social circles led me to the love of my life.

Getting out of “comics” has been unequivocally good for me.

Too Much Baggage

The accumulation of unfinished past work, as well as people’s sentimental attachment to my past work, is undermining my ability to experiment and evolve as an artist. Knowing when to quit is an oft-overlooked, but essential element of success. Things end — that is life. Even good things. Even things you treasure and hold close to your heart. Entropy comes for us all. Best to embrace it.

My oldest work feels alien to me now. It is the product of a young adult with undiagnosed autism, arrested in childish behaviour and thought patterns. It is the product of a young adult desperate to feel heard, seen, loved, and understood. I cannot go back to that place. I do not ever want to go back to that place.

It is harmful for me to be trapped reliving my past and my traumas.

For my own mental health and well-being, I need to completely detach “Jin Wicked” from my creative work going forward. I want no remaining connection to anyone who may feel a claim, sense of entitlement, and/or ownership toward me, my work, and the progression of my career. My failures and successes are mine alone. Only I define who and what I am. Only I decide what is best for me.

I am not a proxy or a puppet for fulfilling others’ ambitions and desires.

I am not an artwork dispenser or a fix-it project — I am a person.

To the extent that it is possible, I want to enjoy the rest of my life as if the first forty years of it never happened. “Jin Wicked” is now synonymous with “pain” in my mind. It is a visceral association that I have no desire to rehabilitate.

“Jin Wicked” must die, so that I may live.

Autism and Disability Awareness

I am disabled. I am autistic. Autism is a neurodevelopmental disorder. Being autistic impacts every area of my life, but is most noticeable in communication and social skills. It makes me more vulnerable to abuse and trauma. Sensory issues require that I am particular about my living and work environment.

Now that I understand my disability, I am developing strategies to more easily navigate life without compromising my cohesion. But I cannot stop being autistic. Asking me to communicate and see the world like a neurotypical person is like asking a paraplegic to walk. It is not only impossible, it is horribly cruel.

Autistic people are traumatized once, and then re-traumatized again and again when neurotypical people refuse to accept the neurodivergent experience.

When an autistic person can handle no more abuse, frustration, stimulation, or trauma, they may act in ways that anger and confuse neurotypical people. This is wrongly blamed on autism — not the trauma. It is time to stop punishing autistic people for being autistic. Let us try not traumatizing autistic people, instead.

We all benefit from improved communication, empathy, and patience.

Going forward, I want to use my platform to help facilitate understanding for those living with autism and disability. Through my comics and blogging, I believe I have a unique opportunity to help improve the lives of people like me. Future projects will be created to serve this unified message and purpose.

I must be the person that I needed as a youth, but never had.

It Is Time to Move On

Readers of my previous blog might recall that a little over one year ago, I published a post about unpacking who and what “Jin Wicked” was in the wake of my autism diagnosis. As I learned more about autism, I came to understand that “Jin Wicked” was a complex form of camoflaging/masking that took on a life of its own. I would like to expound on this idea, after some time has passed.

Once I became aware of its function, I found myself with no desire to be “Jin Wicked” anymore. Those feelings quickly grew to revulsion. The problem, then, became deciding how I wanted to proceed with my creative work instead. I have never felt much connection to my birth name or my previous married name.

It was not until I met Dan, and changed my name — for the last time — after we married, that the circumstances felt right and the path appeared before me.

When I got divorced in 2015, I thoughtfully examined how, and why, I lost my inspiration and motivation. One of my hopes for a new partner was someone that I could have a business and creative relationship with, in addition to a romantic one. It is much more rewarding to share the toils and spoils of such work with another, and my passion to create is the most defining element of my life.

It is impossible, I think, for me to cultivate deep and enduring intimacy with someone unable to join me on that plane. Rather than be “Jin Wicked” …and Dan, I want to rebuild in a way that represents both of us as equal partners.

We are two halves of a team; greater than the sum of our parts.

The Eightfold Path

I have poured immense blood, sweat, and tears into finally achieving the acceptance, love, human connection, and understanding that I never felt while growing up. We are each given only so much time on this planet, and our world is burning. Now that I have my answers, and feel that I am where I belong, I intend to slow down and savour what time I have left. There is much beauty to be found in the mundane stillness and minute blessings of the day-to-day. All I require is authenticity, honesty, and vulnerability to be satisfied. It is that simple.

Over the last few years, I seem to have serendipitously learned the tenets of Buddhism on my own — forging an unconventional path of the Bodhisattva, and undergoing my own bizarrely-unique and somewhat literal ego death.

Having destroyed all that I once believed I was, the concepts of emptiness, śūnyatā, and non-self, anattā, feel quite comfortable and welcome to me. The practice of non-attachment releases us from the past and the future, and allows us to be fully actualized in the present. Non-attachment is the stepping stone to radical acceptance. In this way, we are released from the cyclic torment caused by unfulfilled expectations, unhealthy patterns, and other self-inflicted pain.

If nirvana is the state of freedom from desire and suffering, then I have achieved something like it for myself. Existence is infinitely absurd and permanence is an illusion; everything dies. Entropy comes for us all. Best to embrace it.

To wholly embrace emptiness is to become fearless.

Who is Jen Bateman?

“All women appear in the form of women in just the same way as the elder (Shariputra) appears in the form of a woman. While they are not women in reality, they appear in the form of women. With this in mind, the Buddha said, ‘In all things, there is neither male nor female.'”

Then, the goddess released her magical power and each returned to his ordinary form. She then said to him,

“Reverend Shariputra, what have you done with your female form?”

Shariputra: I neither made it nor did I change it.

Goddess: Just so, all things are neither made nor changed, and that they are not made and not changed, that is the teaching of the Buddha.

– Except from the Vimalakīrti Nirdeśa Sūtra

My name is Jen Bateman. I am a sentient being; 42 years-old, genderless, an autobiographer. After a lifelong journey and thousands of hard-won lessons, my body, heart, goals, mind, and spirit are at last in alignment with one another. I am in touch with my tathāgata-garbha — or Buddha nature. My nirvana.

I am poor in money, but rich in love and mindfulness. As I shift into this next phase of my life, I hope that you will remain with me, and continue to find value in my work. I hope that by sharing my trials and triumphs with you, you may be moved to engage in your own self-exploration. There is nothing to lose.

Life is art, my friends. Live it creatively.